Move On From The Past
by Pendragon22
Summary: As winter sweeps across Jackson, Ellie becomes distant an avoids the outside as memories from last winter in Colorado come back to haunt her. Joel, on the other hand, will do whatever it takes to get her to let go for good.


_December, 2034_

Winter had come to Jackson, to Tommy's settlement. Usually the winter wasn't all that bad. Snow fell and blanketed the green grass for the winter season but the temperature was fairly mild, just cold enough to see your breath and shiver just the slightest. That 'freezing your ass off' weather never came around the settlement.

Joel appreciated that. Last winter was a little fuzzy in his memory mostly because he'd spent most of it recovering from being impaled back at UEC. He did remember the brutal snowstorm and his blinding hunt to find Ellie. The thought of it made his skin go rigid with goose-bumps and his blood run cold. Ellie had never completely come clean with the events that had happened during the winter. Anytime Joel tried to pry any information from her, she'd simply brush it off and say she struggled at times but survived none the less. That was it. If Joel continued she'd either flip him off or try and change the subject. Eventually, he dropped the subject.

But not entirely.

Joel knew Ellie was strong. She could hide her past emotions behind the mask better than he could ever do. But you can't hide forever. Something was triggering her past struggles and emotions to resurface. Ellie had become the best thing in Joel's life after the death of his daughter all those years ago. He was damned if he didn't find a way to help her come clean about the struggles she was hiding from him.

* * *

It was evening. The sun had set early as it does every winter, shrouding the settlement in inky darkness. The few lights powered by the hydroelectric plant offered a soft orange glow, enough to guide Joel home. Snow was dancing through the subtle breeze as he opened the front door to his house. A few slipped in with him but immediately vanished in the air as the warmth of the house melted their delicate forms. Joel removed his coat and shoes, moving towards the couch where Ellie sat, reading a book.

The fireplace was lit, casting a cheery glow across the walls and floor. The warmth it gave off was inviting and Joel found himself needing a few minutes to warm up next to it. Even though it wasn't particularly cold outside, after a couple hours of guard duty, you start longing for the warmth and comfort of your home. Joel cast a sideways glance at Ellie, who was deeply immersed in the book. It was unusual for her, to not welcome him home with a friendly smile. Deep down Joel knew something was bothering her, she just wouldn't let it break out of the mental barrier she kept it locked away in.

"So," Joel spoke, his voice gently tearing through the veil of silence. "How was your day?"

Ellie took a moment to respond, most likely finishing up the line she was reading. She turned a page. The rustle of the paper coincided with the crackle of the fireplace. She folded the corner of the page to mark her spot and relinquished the book from her grasp, placing it on the worn coffee table before her.

Finally, with a smile, Ellie responded.

"Good. How was yours?"

_That's it? _Joel wondered. Ellie always had more to talk about than that. Hell, sometimes she talked so much, Joel was afraid his ears might fall off.

"Uh, well you know. Same shift, different day. No bandits or infected coming to kill us. Just the view of snow and sporadic chats with Tommy," Joel said.

"That's good," Ellie said softly. She looked down and her hands and started fidgeting with her fingers, a nervous trait of hers. Joel also knew the fidgeting meant she was hiding something and probably wouldn't be in the 'mood' to talk about it.

"Okay, Ellie. Seriously though, tell me more about what you did today?" Joel asked.

"I…I slept for a good part of the day and then I read," she gestured to the book. "Later I started the fire and well, that's when you came home."

The whole time Ellie spoke, she made no eye contact with Joel. She continued to fidget with her fingers like they were the most interesting thing in the world. Joel sighed and raked a hand through his hair.

"Is there something bothering you, Ellie? You've been staying at home for the past couple of days. You should be gettin' outside. It's been quite nice lately.

Ellie shrugged. "I don't feel like it. It's cold."

"That never stopped you before," Joel reasoned.

"Yeah well, it's been colder than usual," Ellie stated.

"That ain't true Ellie and you know it. I've been outside on guard duty for the past 2 days and I can assure you, it's not that cold," Joel argued.

"Well maybe to you it is, but to me? It's cold. Complain all you want, Joel. I'm fine just staying here where it's warm and dry," Ellie answered, still refraining from eye contact.

"There's gotta be more to this. Tell me what's bothering you?" Joel insisted.

"Nothing is _bothering _me!" Ellie burst. Her eyes flew to Joel's locking them in an angered stare. Joel pursed his lips into a thin line but remained silent.

"Jesus, how many times have I told that already?" Ellie questioned.

Joel remained silent, keeping his composure as calm as he could even though his anger was bubbling up within him.

"That's right, _a lot_," Ellie answered for him. "This conversation is over."

She slid off the couch, retrieving her book before storming up the stairs to her room in a disgruntled teenage girl fashion. Her door slammed loudly, perhaps to show Joel how upset and angry she was and that it was a good idea to leave her alone for the rest of the night.

Joel did just that, leaving Ellie to calm down however the way she does. Her outburst though proved everything he had originally hypothesized. The arrival of winter to the settlement was getting to Ellie. Whatever she had endured last year was coming back, scaring her, making her feel the outside world was dangerous and that home was her only safe haven.

Joel wanted to help Ellie, but no matter what he said she'd just shut him out and say it's nothing or throw one of her outbursts. Fortunately for Joel, he was determined and was ready to do what it would take to convince Ellie to tell him what was upsetting her, whether she wants to or not.

* * *

A few days later, Ellie apologized to Joel for freaking out at him. She didn't mention anything more, just apologized and moved on. Joel accepted and didn't bother brining up the subject of 'is anything bothering you?' He needed a few more days to watch and see how Ellie's mood would pan out during week. He wanted to ask her when she was ready, even though he knew that might be hard to tell. Joel didn't want to take advantage of her and make her explain when she wasn't ready. Joel had firsthand knowledge of what that was like. Waiting until she was ready could take months, maybe even years but for her own sake, Joel hoped she would be ready to let go soon.

He did encourage her to go outside more often though. Every time he had a shift and had to leave Ellie at home for a few hours, he always remember to mention something to her on the way out whether it be 'go out and have some today' or 'hang out with one of the kids you've met'. Ellie always replied with a simple "maybe" and then proceeded to delve into a book. When he returned home, if Ellie had gone out he didn't complain. All he hoped was that someday his constant reminders would finally work and she'd go out.

"Alright," Joel said as he grabbed the items his for today's shift. "I'm going now, probably won't be home until after 10."

"Okay," Ellie acknowledged.

"Also, feel free to go outside, you don't even have to leave a note just dress properly and run wild," Joel tried to speak that as inconspicuously as possible.

Ellie sighed. "No matter how many times you mention it Joel, I ain't going out there."

Joel looked at her and tried to act confused. "What do you mean?"

"You've told me to go outside for the past week. Are going senile or something? Please stop, because it's annoying the hell out of me," Ellie stated.

"Uh, I guess I am getting a little forgetful. I just want you to have fu-," Ellie cut him off.

"Bullshit, you're not forgetting. You're still trying to figure out if there's something 'bothering me'. Well there isn't, so go have fun dicking around during your shift. I'll be here, reading and staying warm."

Joel huffed out a sigh but didn't continue arguing with her. He slung his backpack over his shoulders, opened the front door and waded out into the snow, shuffling to his perch by the main gate. He climbed up the chilled ladder to his perch and stood, rifle in hand, scoping out for potential targets. There was nothing. Or at least he could see nothing. The forest was coated in a healthy layer of snow. It glistened and sparkled as the afternoon sun set behind the mountains. Joel had to admit, guard duty had its perks. Even though the cold eventually got to him and made him want to crawl home for warmth, the view from the gate told him to stay and keep looking out. It almost seemed like a painting. Snow the purest of white with no footprints to be seen. Trees that swayed gently in a cool winter breeze. Mountains that almost seemed drawn against the sky.

It was a piece of tranquility and beauty in a world full of uproar and chaos.

And before Joel knew it, his shift was over. It was almost like he blinked and then suddenly, everything around him was dark. As grateful as he was that his shift was over, he couldn't help but feel some guilt. Zoning out while on duty isn't exactly a good thing. Still, they hadn't been attacked so Joel let it slide and walked home, guided once again by the orange glow of the settlement's lights.

Arriving at home, Joel was greeted by nobody. Ellie wasn't in her usual spot on the couch. The fire was out too, giving no warmth. Moving to the fireplace, Joel carefully placed his hand on the wood. It wasn't smoking but it was warm, meaning Ellie had put it out maybe only 20 minutes. Joel stood and quietly walked upstairs. In the hall he noticed Ellie's door was opened ajar. Pushing it open further, Joel peeped in to see Ellie fast asleep, a book resting on her chest, her lamp casting a delicate glow on her face. Joel couldn't help holding back the grin the spread across his face. He entered her room and picked up the book, moving it to her bedside table. He pulled the covers up more and then slowly pulled her hair tie out. Her red hair cascaded out over her pillow. He turned off her lamp and started exiting. But just before leaving, he turned and whispered to her in the darkness.

"Goodnight…baby girl."

Joel closed her door without making a noise. He continued down the hall to his room and prepared for bed.

* * *

Screaming roused Joel from his sleep. At first, he had no idea what was going on. He heard a girl screaming but his still half asleep brain wouldn't register whose voice it was. Also it was still pitch black in his room which didn't help his situation. Clumsily, he fumbled in the dark until his hand connected with the lamp on his bedside table. He clicked it on. The room lit up. Joel rose from his bed and then was immediately stuck with realization.

The voice was Ellie's.

She was screaming.

Joel raced from his room and made it to Ellie's in just the span of a few wide strides. He wrenched opened her door, expecting an intruder to be harming her. Instead he was met with just her. Ellie was swimming in her bed sheets, kicking at some illusionary attacker. Her eyes were still shut. A nightmare most likely. She let out another shriek telling the figment to stop and let her go. Joel rushed to her side and tried to grab her well aware that she could hit or kick his without her conscious knowing. But Joel had to take that risk.

"Ellie," Joel said, "Wake up, c'mon."

Not loud enough. Ellie continued to trash about in his arms.

"Ellie," Joel said a little louder, "Wake up, it's a dream! You're safe."

"Let go of me, please!" Ellie pleaded. "I'm _begging_ you."

At that point Ellie started to wail, tears streaking down her face and mixing with the cold sweat caused by her nightmare. Joel remained calm and hushed a relaxing "Shh" into her ear. The wailing got quieter and quieter until there was silence. Ellie had stopped trashing too. After a few moments, Joel released her and cupped her face in his hands. Ellie was awake, eyes bloodshot from all the crying. Strands of hair were glued and to her face and matted by sweat and tears. Her lips trembled slightly but no words found their way out. Instead, she settled for reaching up and wrapping her arms around Joel, holding on with an iron grip. She started to sob once again.

Joel was taken aback by her sudden grapple but soon he relaxed and held her back and continued to calm her by whispering that _everything was okay_, _it was just a dream_ and that she was _safe. _When Joel tried to pry Ellie off of him, she wouldn't let go. It seemed he'd have to stay with her from the remainder of the night. So he laid himself down, trying to get as comfortable as he could. After a handful of minutes Joel drifted back into sleep, Ellie still clutched against him.

Rays of golden sun streaming in through the curtains woke Joel. He was still on Ellie's bed but she was no longer clutched to him like Velcro. As easily and slowly as he could, Joel removed himself from Ellie's bed. He pulled her covers up a little and snuck out quietly, letting her continue to sleep. Downstairs, the analog clock above the fireplace read 8:30 am. Joel didn't have guard duty today, but he didn't feel like returning to his own bed. He settled on making coffee, a rare thing to come across, in the kitchen.

A couple hours later, Ellie came down. Joel was on the couch, waiting for her. Her hair was still down but no longer matted and tangled. She silently came over and sat next to Joel, fidgeting with her fingers. Joel straightened himself, prepared to listen to whatever she had to say. Ellie took a breath to calm her nerves. She then looked straight into Joel's eyes.

"So uh, about last night…I think I owe you an explanation," Ellie started.

Joel started to say something but Ellie held up a hand, a signal to say she wasn't done.

"It wasn't just any nightmare; it was a nightmare about last winter…about Colorado. You were right to think there was something bothering me because there is. I wasn't ready to tell you, I guess, but…I am now, if you'll listen that is," Ellie explained.

Joel placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly.

"Ellie, of course I'll listen to you. I want to help you through this, even though it won't be easy, trust me. But I guarantee you, I will stop at nothing to help you move on," Joel said sincerely.

Ellie nodded, believing his words. She took another deep breath.

"Alright. It all started one day while I was out hunting. Then, I met…David."

Ellie started off with her hunting trip, chasing after the deer she so desperately wanted to kill. It led her far away from Callus and even farther from the cabin she was keeping Joel hidden in. When she finally found the deer, that's when Ellie met David for the first time. The way Ellie described him, Joel understood why she was so cautious of him, and he would have been too. She deeply described the infected she had to fight with David, the bloater she took down herself and the trade she made. She traded the deer for antibiotics so she could save Joel.

"I had no idea you did that," Joel interrupted.

"Yeah, I sorta jumped at the opportunity. To me, your life was more valuable than some deer. I was running out of options to stop infection from your wound from spreading any further. I don't regret making that trade," Ellie said.

"I'm glad you made the trade. You saved my life Ellie. I can never repay you for that. But as far as I can tell, this David didn't turn out to be so…sparing later, I can assume?" Joel asked.

"You're welcome and yes, David was one disgusting and crude asshole. Let me tell you more about him."

Continuing, after Ellie had injected Joel with a shot of antibiotics, she explained how the next day, David's men were in town and looking for her. She described her attempt to lure them away which unfortunately, got Callus killed in the process. Then, after fighting through countless hunters, Ellie was captured by David. She said he knocked her out by cutting off her air temporarily. When she awoke next, she was locked behind bars in some cold room. That's when she saw a man, cutting up a person on a butchers block. The smell of human blood and flesh would forever be a reminder to Ellie.

"Jesus Christ," Joel muttered. At that point Joel remembered walking into a cellar and seeing dead people, tied and bound, hanging from the ceiling, ready to be cooked and served to the same species.

"He was a pretty brutal fucking animal," Ellie said, "And that's putting it lightly. I know the winter was harsh over there but seriously, cannibalism? I think that's crossing the line. They could've looked for alternative ways to find food."

"Maybe they did," Joel reasoned, "Maybe in the beginning they had lots of food. Until it started dwindling and they decided the next best course of action was to…"

"Eat people?" Ellie finished for him.

"Yeah," Joel admitted, "Regardless, I agree with you. It's wrong and sick on so many levels,"

Ellie nodded; seemingly glad Joel agreed and then continued her story.

She went on about how she broke David's finger and refused to join his group. Then the passing out a while later, only to be woken by David and his friend pulling her over to the butcher's block. She recalled David raising a knife, ready to kill her right then and there. That's when Ellie explained her plan escape, pulling a lie that she was infected and convincing David to look at the scabbed bite on her forearm. It gave her a valuable few seconds to grab the knife with her free arm and kill David's friend before making her escape into the blinding snowstorm.

Ellie jumped ahead to the restaurant, where David cornered her and she had to play cat and mouse with him, taking any opportunity she had to run up and slash him with her switchblade before scampering to cover once again. Then she was knocked out after he flipped her over his shoulder. When she awoke, her whole body ached and a fire was slowly engulfing the restaurant. Ellie could vividly remember the feeling of her lungs burning with each breath that she took. She had to end this man's life fast.

Suddenly he was on top of her, holding her down telling her to _beg_ for her own life. She retorted with a strained "fuck you". He flipped her over and grasped her next with thick fingers. His grip was deadly. He was going to strangle her.

"I remember seeing his knife under a table though," Ellie recalled, "That's what I had been crawling towards. I couldn't see but I still reached my hand under and felt around for it. When my hand connected with the handle, I knew it was all over for him. Next I was on him, ripping his face apart. That's…when you found me."

Joel let a breath and took a few moments to process everything Ellie had just told him. It was far more than he had originally thought she had gone through. Now he understood why she was so afraid of leaving the house. She was afraid David would be out there, waiting.

"You dreamt about him last night, didn't you?" Joel asked.

"Yes," Ellie said, "He haunts my dreams very frequently. Only, he always kills me instead of the other way around. I even had a dream where he…where…." She trailed off.

"What did he do?" Joel inquired.

Ellie rubbed her face roughly with her hands. When she looked up her face was red from rubbing and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"I once dreamed…th…that he killed you," Ellie whimpered, voice shaky.

"Baby girl," Joel answered sympathetically. He pulled Ellie towards him and hugged her gently. She returned it, tears spilling out.

When he released her, Joel grasped her shoulders and spoke softly.

"I am never gonna let anyone kill me or you, yeah? That man is dead and he will remain that way forever. I'm so proud you finally told me about your struggle. Together, we're gonna move on from those memories," Joel promised.

Ellie beamed a smile at him and thanked him for everything that he'd done for her. She rose from her seat and started walking up the stairs when she stopped halfway and looked back at Joel.

"Hey, um, can we go for a walk later?" Ellie asked timidly.

Joel smirked and rose up as well, coming to stand on the stairs with her.

"How about now? Meet me down here in 10," Joel said.

"Gotcha," Ellie replied before jogging up to her room to prepare, Joel doing the same in his.

Outside, they strolled through the woods surrounding the settlement, Joel armed just in case they ran into any uninvited company. They walked in silence for a good while before Ellie's voice broke through it.

"You know what? It's actually not that cold."

Joel smiled. "I told you so."

* * *

**Authour's Note: And there you have it. Just a one-shot that my muse wouldn't shut up about. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Feel free to leave a favourite or a review. I always appreciate the support!**


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